Two days before kick-off. Still a bit early to make "informed" predictions seeing how the transfer window is still open, the final team sheet is still a while away and in the case of Aston Villa - you are manager less.
Never one to back down from obvious foolhardiness, I don't see how waiting a couple more days will make my predictions any more accurate. So without further ado, I bring to you the Plastic Armchairs tips for the season and then the week.
1. Aston Villa v/s West Ham
So were 3 seasons of 6th place finishes the extent of "the best American owner"'s ambition. By sacking M'oN, Randy Lerner has not-so-tacitly admitted to throwing his hands in the air. With no big signings (imminent or otherwise), no manager and no rosy future, it all seems to be going a bit tits up for the Fourth Most successful club (historically) in England. Aston Villa will slide down the table for sure. The only question is till where. Too good to go down surely, but not good enough for a Europa League spot.
But what abt their opponents for the opening week. Owned by two people who are in many ways the polar opposites of Randy *
* I love the name Randy. Reminds me of a joke in the inscrutable Americans.
American boy - Hi I'm Randy
Desi FOB - Why ??
Getting back to the footy, the David's are everything that Lerner is not. An by they are noisy, brash media whores. Should have been called Dick's actually. But you know what the funny thing is. They seem to on the whole not be bad owners. They have not really signed Leo Messi for WHU, but they have not let any big(ish) name go. There was talk in the papers of how they are going to sell everyone on the team save Scotty Parker, but there has been little if any speculation for any player (bar Parker obviously :)
In Avram Grant they have a manager who I personally rate. At Chelsea he was hard done by cause of that cunt John Terry. However, one surprising statistic is that at Pompey he would have managed to have his team relegated even without the points deduction. WH are one of the limbo clubs for me this season. Not really gonna make it to Europe, nor should they face a long-term relegation battle.
Predictions
This match - Villa to win
Aston Villa End Season - Range (8th - 11th) 10th
West Ham United - Range (12th - 16th) 16th
OK need to get a move on - will only be putting in predictions. Will put in the gyan later if I get time
2. Blackburn v/s Everton
So two blood an guts Engurlish teams. Although Everton try an play the prettier football of the two, their style is closer to that of their hosts than say Arsenal. However, both these clubs had a nice steady climb in the table in the second half of last season. so they are in a way "form teams" for the starting of this year.
True funny story - there was a time not so many years ago, 05 I think, that Everton actually broke the vice like grip of the big four, at the expense of their bitter rivals Liverpool. But bad fortune, in the form of meeting Villareal, and the fact that Everton are perennial slow starters (they were thumped 6-1 at home last season) meant that they never got to play even a single match in the Champions League proper.
Trues Funnier Story - Balackburn are the only team apart from ManU, chelski an Arsenal to have won the Premiership. They were the cash money team in the mid-90's when they bought a complete team with the hottest manager - Kenny Dalgish. How times change. Now there is a host of sugar daddies.
Predictions
This match - Draw
Blackburn End Season - Range (9th - 12th) 9th
Everton - Range (6th - 10th) 7th
3. Bolton v/s Fulham
Predictions
This match - Home Win
Bolton End Season - Range (10th - 14th) 12th
Fulham End Season - Range (8th - 12th) 8th
3. Bolton v/s Fulham
Predictions
This match - Home Win
Bolton End Season - Range (10th - 14th) 12th
Fulham End Season - Range (8th - 12th) 8th
4. Chealski v/s West Brom
Predictions
This match - Home Win
Chelski End Season - Range (1st - 4th) 2nd
West Brom End Season - Range (15th - 19th) 19th
5. Sunderland v/s Birmingham
Predictions
This match - Home Win
Sunderland End Season - Range (11th - 15th) 14th
Birmingham End Season - Range (10th - 14th) 13th
6. Tottenham v/s Man City
This match - Draw
Tottenham End Season - Range (4th - 8th) 6th
Man City End Season - Range (2nd - 7th) 3rd
8. Wigan v/s Blackpool
This match - Home Win
Wigan End Season - Range (14th - 18th) 17th
Blackpool End Season - Range (16th - 20th) 20th
9. Liverpool v/s Arsenal
This match - Home Win
Liverpool End Season - Range (3rd - 8th) 5th
Arsenal End Season - Range (2nd - 6th) 4th
10. ManU v/s Newcastle
This match - Home Win
ManU End Season - Range (1st - 5th) 1st
Newcastle End Season - Range (14th - 18th) 15th
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Guess who's back
6 posts, 3 weeks, 1 month - thats how long my first innings as a blogger lasted. Been nearly 2 years since I started this blog, and I have had a grand total of 8 people on the site. So much for my dreams of becoming the next Perez Hilton. Anyhow, today is the first day for the rest of my life (I'm full of these lovely cliches stolen from movies) and I can do anything that I set my mind to (also full of not-so-lovely cliches stolen from folklore).
So in addition to getting a perfect body to complement my perfect soul, I have set my mind to being regular with this blog. I think the format will remain the same. Preview an review the weekly fixtures of mainly the English League (and maybe a smattering of La Liga) with the help of predictions. Might even get an octopus to help me out this time.
And who knows, if I actually get more than my usual 3/10 predictions right, I might even start putting my money where my mouth is.
So buckle up an get ready for the ride of your life. Actually scratch that, the ride of your life will hopefully be in a darkened bedroom with a chick rather than alone in your office cubicle while reading a blog. Lets try again. So simply adjust your chair so that you are comfortable and get ready to read some mildly non-conservative predictions.
Its Plastic Armchair Blogging time (sing to this tune http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3ZAGBL6UBA)
Saturday, August 30, 2008
You Gotta Blog Blog Blog
The delicate art of procrastination mastered by me leaves one in unique situations . So this is what happened . My car got a flat . No big deal. I put on the spare an went on my merry way . For the next three months . An then the day my mom took my car , the hereto loyal spare went boom. obviously right . An the best thing is that it all happened an hour before this weeks matches . Again obviously the time that my chronic procrastination problem forces me to blog in . Bottom line. This live edition me plastic armchair comes to you while i stand with dirty hands an two flats . And a prayer on my lips that the boss don't tow away my car.
So what are this weeks highlights .
Gunners- Newcastle - First up you have the Gunners taking on the normally clueless bar codes. However much Arsenal sucked last week I really doubt if the Martin less New Castle can take anything away . Home Win - with a goal for Adebyor
Chelski vs Tottenham . . . 4-4 - that was the score last time these two teams played in the league. However, this match is at Fortress Stamford. And the Berbatov issue is far from being resolved. There is no chance in hell that Spuds will become the first team to beat Chelski at home in the league in the last 146685 years. However, I do quite fancy them nicking a point. Draw
Bolton v West Brom - Who knows. Who Cares. Draw
Everton v Portsmouth - Toughie. Pompey were done in by the fixtures calender. no way are the they worst team in the league, as the embryonic table seems to suggest right now. But then again Everton after their own opening day home defeat at the hands of the Rovers have their own agenda in this match. Draw
Hull v Wigan - Will Hull be able to sustain their momentum. Will Wigan be able to generate any of their own. Will anyone outside of these two clubs even watch this match. Draw
Middlesbrough v Stoke - Boro have been in an attacking mood and with good reason. Their manager Gareth Southgate has set their ambitions soaring with their being talk of, wait for it, a top ten finish. Nahh!! Actually excuse the sarcasm. That is progress for a team that generally has to wait till the last two weeks to ascertain their future in the next season. Home Win
West Ham v Blackburn - There is some personal history for the new Rovers Boss - Paul Ince in this particular fixture. He was originally a Hammer, an quite a blunt one at that. he fooloshly was caught in a ManU kit much before he was transferred. Cue the Green Street Posse getting pissed as shit and booing him to hell every subsequent time he came to visit. This time around he comes as a manager. An from the first looks, quite a decent one. But Curbishly is fighting for his job. Draw
Aston Villa v Liverpool - last years 6th taking on 4th. But everyone an their mom knows that this match is about much more than that - its about Gareth Barry - the (ex) Villa Captain's good name was sullied more than Lindsay Lohan's undies this summer after he was tantalized by his-best-friend-forever StievieG's club. And now that he isn't moving he'll like to show the Villa boo boys his commitment. Home Win
Sunderland v Man City - Both teams had impressive days last week around. ManCity got the better of the Black cats in both their meetings last year. However, since then Sunderland have gone forward while ManC back. Draw.
So what are this weeks highlights .
Gunners- Newcastle - First up you have the Gunners taking on the normally clueless bar codes. However much Arsenal sucked last week I really doubt if the Martin less New Castle can take anything away . Home Win - with a goal for Adebyor
Chelski vs Tottenham . . . 4-4 - that was the score last time these two teams played in the league. However, this match is at Fortress Stamford. And the Berbatov issue is far from being resolved. There is no chance in hell that Spuds will become the first team to beat Chelski at home in the league in the last 146685 years. However, I do quite fancy them nicking a point. Draw
Bolton v West Brom - Who knows. Who Cares. Draw
Everton v Portsmouth - Toughie. Pompey were done in by the fixtures calender. no way are the they worst team in the league, as the embryonic table seems to suggest right now. But then again Everton after their own opening day home defeat at the hands of the Rovers have their own agenda in this match. Draw
Hull v Wigan - Will Hull be able to sustain their momentum. Will Wigan be able to generate any of their own. Will anyone outside of these two clubs even watch this match. Draw
Middlesbrough v Stoke - Boro have been in an attacking mood and with good reason. Their manager Gareth Southgate has set their ambitions soaring with their being talk of, wait for it, a top ten finish. Nahh!! Actually excuse the sarcasm. That is progress for a team that generally has to wait till the last two weeks to ascertain their future in the next season. Home Win
West Ham v Blackburn - There is some personal history for the new Rovers Boss - Paul Ince in this particular fixture. He was originally a Hammer, an quite a blunt one at that. he fooloshly was caught in a ManU kit much before he was transferred. Cue the Green Street Posse getting pissed as shit and booing him to hell every subsequent time he came to visit. This time around he comes as a manager. An from the first looks, quite a decent one. But Curbishly is fighting for his job. Draw
Aston Villa v Liverpool - last years 6th taking on 4th. But everyone an their mom knows that this match is about much more than that - its about Gareth Barry - the (ex) Villa Captain's good name was sullied more than Lindsay Lohan's undies this summer after he was tantalized by his-best-friend-forever StievieG's club. And now that he isn't moving he'll like to show the Villa boo boys his commitment. Home Win
Sunderland v Man City - Both teams had impressive days last week around. ManCity got the better of the Black cats in both their meetings last year. However, since then Sunderland have gone forward while ManC back. Draw.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Week 2 Round Up
Consistent only in their inconsistency. That's one thing common to both The Plastic Armchair an Aston Villa. While The Armchair again maxed out at 5 correct predictions Villa showed that they will at best be challenging for 5th after losing to Stoke.
So what were the big upsets an headline makers of Matchday 2.
Well the shock result would be the Cottagers home win against the Gunners. The 1-0 defeat has prompted many of the pundits to write off the gunners title chances. I for one did not have to wait for the result - instead the minute I saw Emanuel Eboue being deployed as a defensive mid. Arsenals incompetence in front of the goal reached new limits with only 1 (yes thats ONE) of their 20 shots being on target. With all due respect to Ze Professors youth development skills, the need of the hour for Arsenal is to purchase an experienced partner for Cesc.
The other notable result came from Stoke City's rather entertaining match with Villa. The final result was 3-2 but what was noteworthy was Stoke's desire to play football. Even though the winning goal was scored off a long throw, Stoke for the majority of the match kept the ball down on the grass. In fact I nominate this Fuller effort for team goal of the week.
ManU an Chelski both won their possibly tricky away fixtures 1-0. The dominant ManU had 2/3rds of the possession in their match against Portsmouth. Their goal was scored by from another dimension - Darren Fletcher. I am willing to bet my liver and kidneys against him scoring for the third game running against Zenit St. Petersburg (the Euro SuperCup).
Chelski meanwhile reverted to type with an ill gotten victory over Wigan athletic. Deco made it 2 goals in 2 matches for the Russians with a stinging free kick in the 4th minute. Seeing how Chelski went into a shell quite like the Gunners did the week before (when they scored in the 4th minute), the top coaches will soon tell their squads not to score in the 4th minute.
Another match of note was Tottenham v/s Sunderland. This match typified why the much maligned Darren Bent is much maligned. Twas quite a keen contest - which is something that a team aspiring to challenge for Europe would not like to hear especially considering the other team is expected to finish in the bottom half of the table. An oh !! The match was on the Spurs homeground - WHL. For now, Magic Wande is hiding behind the "my top player is destabalizing my squad" excuse. But its only a matter of days before Berba moves to ManU. Hmm, lets see, lets see.
So what were the big upsets an headline makers of Matchday 2.
Well the shock result would be the Cottagers home win against the Gunners. The 1-0 defeat has prompted many of the pundits to write off the gunners title chances. I for one did not have to wait for the result - instead the minute I saw Emanuel Eboue being deployed as a defensive mid. Arsenals incompetence in front of the goal reached new limits with only 1 (yes thats ONE) of their 20 shots being on target. With all due respect to Ze Professors youth development skills, the need of the hour for Arsenal is to purchase an experienced partner for Cesc.
The other notable result came from Stoke City's rather entertaining match with Villa. The final result was 3-2 but what was noteworthy was Stoke's desire to play football. Even though the winning goal was scored off a long throw, Stoke for the majority of the match kept the ball down on the grass. In fact I nominate this Fuller effort for team goal of the week.
ManU an Chelski both won their possibly tricky away fixtures 1-0. The dominant ManU had 2/3rds of the possession in their match against Portsmouth. Their goal was scored by from another dimension - Darren Fletcher. I am willing to bet my liver and kidneys against him scoring for the third game running against Zenit St. Petersburg (the Euro SuperCup).
Chelski meanwhile reverted to type with an ill gotten victory over Wigan athletic. Deco made it 2 goals in 2 matches for the Russians with a stinging free kick in the 4th minute. Seeing how Chelski went into a shell quite like the Gunners did the week before (when they scored in the 4th minute), the top coaches will soon tell their squads not to score in the 4th minute.
Another match of note was Tottenham v/s Sunderland. This match typified why the much maligned Darren Bent is much maligned. Twas quite a keen contest - which is something that a team aspiring to challenge for Europe would not like to hear especially considering the other team is expected to finish in the bottom half of the table. An oh !! The match was on the Spurs homeground - WHL. For now, Magic Wande is hiding behind the "my top player is destabalizing my squad" excuse. But its only a matter of days before Berba moves to ManU. Hmm, lets see, lets see.
Friday, August 22, 2008
2nd Time Lucky??
5/10 - that's what I scored in my first week of predictions. While all the retards out there are tut-tutting an thinking abt how tossing a coin would have brought the same success rate, the smarter ones - who can actually simultaneously touch their nose an ears with their lil fingers, figured out that you'd need a three sided coin to even make football predictions. So Ha. In your face retards.
So now the Plastic Armchair is going to take a set of more educated guess to come up with this weeks prophecy:
Blackburn v Hull City - Both teams impressed on the opening weekend with come from behind wins. But while the Rovers got theirs Away at the ground of the team that finished 5th last year the Tigers beat in their backyard the Fulham team that won twice away all of last season. - Home Win
Fulham v Arsenal - The Gunners should find some extra gears to take with ease what has traditionally been a comfortable ground for them. Away win
Liverpool v Middlesbrough - Well played Boro in the opening week. Very well played. But even though Boro have the best record against the Big 4, I don't see them beating an under pressure Pool squad in their first match at Anfield. Home Win
Newcastle v Bolton - This is a match that few professional gamblers would be taking a punt on. But I see the home advantage playing the deciding factor. An the Jonas guy. He was awesome. Barcodes to win. With Jonas getting an assist at least.
Stoke City v Aston Villa - Things are clicking for Villa. An they will continue to do so till their traditional mid-season slump. Away Win
Tottenham v Sunderland - Sunderlund too were woeful on the road last season. An the terrible display has put pressure on the Magic Wand to start delivering - smartish. Home Win. With a gal for the much maligned Darren Bent :)
West Brom v Everton - With the Baggies playing well; and with the world an its cousin refusing to come play for Everton, this is going to be an ugly ugly match - Draw
Man City v West Ham - I expected Man City to lose at Villa Park. But not for them to be decimated. Mark Hughes better start getting results if he wants not to end up as a human rights statistic. Home Win
Wigan Athletic v Chelsea - Away Win (but you never know - if the Latics have dug up their pitch like they are prone to doing, might be a 0-0 draw as well - but official prediction is Away Win)
Pompey v ManYoo - This a again a toughie. But ManU will start clicking sooner rather than later - Away Win
So there you have it folks. Better mortgage your houses for the money - but bet before its too late
So now the Plastic Armchair is going to take a set of more educated guess to come up with this weeks prophecy:
Blackburn v Hull City - Both teams impressed on the opening weekend with come from behind wins. But while the Rovers got theirs Away at the ground of the team that finished 5th last year the Tigers beat in their backyard the Fulham team that won twice away all of last season. - Home Win
Fulham v Arsenal - The Gunners should find some extra gears to take with ease what has traditionally been a comfortable ground for them. Away win
Liverpool v Middlesbrough - Well played Boro in the opening week. Very well played. But even though Boro have the best record against the Big 4, I don't see them beating an under pressure Pool squad in their first match at Anfield. Home Win
Newcastle v Bolton - This is a match that few professional gamblers would be taking a punt on. But I see the home advantage playing the deciding factor. An the Jonas guy. He was awesome. Barcodes to win. With Jonas getting an assist at least.
Stoke City v Aston Villa - Things are clicking for Villa. An they will continue to do so till their traditional mid-season slump. Away Win
Tottenham v Sunderland - Sunderlund too were woeful on the road last season. An the terrible display has put pressure on the Magic Wand to start delivering - smartish. Home Win. With a gal for the much maligned Darren Bent :)
West Brom v Everton - With the Baggies playing well; and with the world an its cousin refusing to come play for Everton, this is going to be an ugly ugly match - Draw
Man City v West Ham - I expected Man City to lose at Villa Park. But not for them to be decimated. Mark Hughes better start getting results if he wants not to end up as a human rights statistic. Home Win
Wigan Athletic v Chelsea - Away Win (but you never know - if the Latics have dug up their pitch like they are prone to doing, might be a 0-0 draw as well - but official prediction is Away Win)
Pompey v ManYoo - This a again a toughie. But ManU will start clicking sooner rather than later - Away Win
So there you have it folks. Better mortgage your houses for the money - but bet before its too late
Monday, August 18, 2008
Week 1 Roundup
Great !! The first footy weekend just got over - an I realized that I pretty much suck at predictions - at least making them correctly. The Big 4 upset was not provided by Liverpool, but rather by the big kahuna ManU. They stumbled to a home draw against Newcastle in a match reminiscent of Reading holding the Red Devils last year. An it didn't turn out too badly for them that year eh'.
Liverpool tried their best to make me look prophetic, but El Nino won it with his quality for them. Arsenal too looked pedestrian for large swaths against a none too impressive W.B.A. they were odds on for scoring a bundle after being given a dream start by new boy Nasri in the 4th min. The fact that they struggled to get in shots, let alone goals does not bode well for the North Londoners.
So who were the Big 4 winner this weekend - that would be undoubtedly Big Phils Chelski. The super-star team that had been regimented by dour defensive bosses Mourinio an Grant oozed style an grace while thumping Pompey 4-0. Such was their domination that immediately after the match, bookies made them favourites for the crown. Yeah!! The same crown that is to be decided after 38 matches.
In other matches Blackburn made me look silly be showing that they had gone anywhere but backwards. Andre Ooiger the Dutch defender turned in an injury time winner after Roque Santa Cruz had equalized late against Everton. Villa too started the season with a spark with Gabby Agbonglahor getting a 7 min hat-trick against Man City.
A special shout out to Hull City - the team playing in the top division for the first time in their 104 year history. Everyone expected that their aim this season would be to cross Darby County's point total of last year. But they showed that they are no mugs with a well deserved win over Fulham. Oh !! The goal of the weekend was probably scored by Hull midfielder Giovanni. Check it out here http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iSDoNHvtvgQ&feature=related
Liverpool tried their best to make me look prophetic, but El Nino won it with his quality for them. Arsenal too looked pedestrian for large swaths against a none too impressive W.B.A. they were odds on for scoring a bundle after being given a dream start by new boy Nasri in the 4th min. The fact that they struggled to get in shots, let alone goals does not bode well for the North Londoners.
So who were the Big 4 winner this weekend - that would be undoubtedly Big Phils Chelski. The super-star team that had been regimented by dour defensive bosses Mourinio an Grant oozed style an grace while thumping Pompey 4-0. Such was their domination that immediately after the match, bookies made them favourites for the crown. Yeah!! The same crown that is to be decided after 38 matches.
In other matches Blackburn made me look silly be showing that they had gone anywhere but backwards. Andre Ooiger the Dutch defender turned in an injury time winner after Roque Santa Cruz had equalized late against Everton. Villa too started the season with a spark with Gabby Agbonglahor getting a 7 min hat-trick against Man City.
A special shout out to Hull City - the team playing in the top division for the first time in their 104 year history. Everyone expected that their aim this season would be to cross Darby County's point total of last year. But they showed that they are no mugs with a well deserved win over Fulham. Oh !! The goal of the weekend was probably scored by Hull midfielder Giovanni. Check it out here http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iSDoNHvtvgQ&feature=related
Sunday, August 17, 2008
The Blind Prophet
Woo Hoo Elmander scored on debut - who the man who the man !!! No - not El-sal-mander ..... he just scored a goal on debut - but the true great in all this is the prophet who correctly predicted this - me - moi - muah hahahahahaha.
OK OK I'll stop now. This was all a ruse to distract those wily readers who have discerened that I suck at predicting the future. On the first day of the first matchday I managed a paltry 3/7 results - an that included the near-impossible-to-predict Arsenal to beat WBA. Neeways I still have 3 matches to go for this weekend. Lets see where I stand at the end.
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